A Capricious Drama by Thorin N. Tatge

CHARACTERS

PHILIP: A guy with a chronic spiritual headache.
ANABELLE: Caring, and urgent to restore things to normal.
MRS. SCRUB / PRISONER: Mrs. Scrub is a woman worried about losing control of her castle; the Prisoner is as cheerful as ever.
MELVIN: The angry Wishmaster of the Crumbling Castle.
COOK: A pitiful husk of a man gone wrong.
GUARD

Enter PHILIP.  He walks to midstage, sits down, and puts his head in his hands, retreating from the world.  He sits like this for several seconds, in silence.

ANABELLE enters.  She sees him sitting there, waits expectantly, and then nervously walks up to him and prods him gently.

ANABELLE: Philip!  What are you doing?

Silence.  PHILIP distantly looks away.

ANABELLE: You need to summarize what’s been happening!  Put things in perspective, like you always do!  Please, Philip…you’re so good at that.

Silence.

ANABELLE: Philip, look at me!  It’s me, your sister, Anabelle!

PHILIP looks at ANABELLE slowly, smiles, and embraces her.

PHILIP: Anabelle!  You’re here to keep me company.  Thank you, Anabelle.  Thank you for staying with me, thank you for not leaving, thank you, thank you!

ANABELLE (laughing): Oh, Philip!

ANABELLE returns the embrace for a few moments, then lets go.  PHILIP reluctantly does the same.

ANABELLE: I was afraid you’d forgotten all about me!  I was terrified that Melvin had erased you, making you a real prisoner of the castle.  It felt so awful… imagining that I’d failed you, that I’d let you go, let you die…but instead of being gone, you would let me remember you were still there, walking and prodding, reminding me every hour of my failure… it made me feel sickly.  But you’re not gone… you’re all right, aren’t you, Philip?  Underneath all that gloom, you’re all right!

PHILIP: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Anabelle.  You don’t need to say anything.  You don’t need to speak about your fears.  Just stay here with me… help me remember when we were happy.

ANABELLE: Of course, Philip.  Of course.

ANABELLE sits down next to PHILIP.  They are quiet for a moment.

ANABELLE: Does this mean you don’t remember what happened, Philip?  With Melvin in that faded hallway?  That whole plot with the Cook and the Watcher to get into Melvin’s office?  Do you remember any of that?

PHILIP: I can remember that, yes, but I don’t know why I wanted in.  I should have left it alone.

ANABELLE: You had your reasons, Philip.  I might have done the same…after thinking it through a little more, that is.

PHILIP: Why would you even want to—no, never mind.  Don’t explain.  Just stay here, Anabelle.  I’m afraid you’ll get sucked in.

ANABELLE: Into what?

PHILIP: Into this horrible Crumbling Castle and all its insane doings!

ANABELLE: But I’m already sucked in!  I’ve been here for thirty-two days, just like you.  It’s too late to try and hide.  For me as well as you, Philip.  You can’t protect me.

PHILIP: I wouldn’t know what to protect you from.  I just want you to stay out of everything here.  Their politics, their eerie storms, their inverted way of life.  I don’t want to try and understand it…and neither should you, Anabelle.  Give me your promise you’ll stay away from it all, as much as you can.

ANABELLE (frightened): Philip…brother.  This isn’t right.  I thought you were all right when you remembered me… but you’re not, are you?  You’re scared of this place.  You used to be just a little wary…confused.  But not scared.  You used to want to understand it all—don’t you remember?

PHILIP: No.  If I did, I was taken in.  But this castle—it’s hopeless to understand!  There’s no sense behind the madness, and any try to find it is madness in itself.  Please, Anabelle, say you won’t try!

ANABELLE: You have been changed, after all.  I won’t promise anything to you, brother, not when you’re not yourself.  Melvin did this to you.  I won’t let him get away with it.

PHILIP: Don’t tell me what you think has hap—

Enter GUARD, shouting:

GUARD: Melvin is coming!

ANABELLE: He is?  Here?

GUARD: At double time, my lady.

ANABELLE: We need to keep away from him.  I’m not ready for him.

PHILIP: Why not just let him come?  It’s not like he could say anything to upset us.  I don’t intend to listen.

ANABELLE: He can do worse things than that, Philip!  Come on, we have to hide!  What about your quarter, Guard?  Could we hide there?

GUARD: Yes, I suppose you could.  It’s a room big enough for two, after all…lonely for only one.

ANABELLE: Then take us!  Come, Philip.  This is where we can be safe.

GUARD starts to lead ANABELLE and PHILIP around in wide circles across the upper stage, and does so until noted.  Meanwhile, enter MELVIN onto the lower stage.

MELVIN: Anabelle!  Dear, helpful little Anabelle!  Have you not yet learned it is unclean to cavort with Prisoners??

Enter SCRUB onto center stage.

SCRUB: What are you doing, Melvin?

MELVIN: Following up on a source of trouble, my bristly Mrs. Scrub.  A would-be jail-breaker, if you will.

SCRUB: You mean Anabelle?  Crikey, Melvin!  All she wants is to be with her brother in his time of need.  How could you be against that?

GUARD, ANABELLE and PHILIP slow down and sit down during Melvin’s next line.

MELVIN: She wants to try and fix him!  Just think of it—fixing a prisoner of the castle!  As if he were a mere broken man…but he isn’t just broken—he’s inverted!  His inside is out and his outside is in!  Who knows what kind of mess she could cause by trying to fix her brother?!

SCRUB (spiteful): You’re the one who made him that way.  If there’s any mess to be cleaned up, it’s yours.

MELVIN: Well, yes, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do!  Chase down Anabelle and clean up my mess before it gets made!  Now where is she?

SCRUB: I’ve got no idea.  I can’t keep track of every person in this castle, Melvin.

MELVIN: Oh, no?  You used to be able to…didn’t you, Mrs. Scrub?

SCRUB (growing angry): Sure, Melvin.  That was before I had another budding soul so close to my heart all the time.  With my attention focused inward, it’s hard to triangulate!  So forgive me if my child distracts me a little!!

MELVIN: Oh, you’re forgiven, don’t worry.  You’re forgiven quite completely.

MRS. SCRUB: Don’t imagine, though, that I haven’t noticed how you’re talking back to me much more often now.  I’m not so caught up in coming to term that I don’t see it.

MELVIN: Indeed?  And for your part, Mrs. Scrub, don’t imagine that I haven’t noticed how you’re letting me talk back to you now!  What I see is a woman growing weaker by the day…weakening even as she makes one of her dreams into a reality: bringing a child into the world.  Our desires always seem to make us weaker, don’t they?  Even yours!!

MELVIN storms off.

SCRUB (calling after him): Wishmaster Melvin, you stay right there!  Melvin!!

SCRUB runs off after MELVIN.

GUARD: I’ll be flipped if I didn’t hear shouting downstairs just now.  And I’ll be twice flipped if it wasn’t Scrub and the Wishmaster, at it again.  They can’t keep this business up much longer.

ANABELLE: What do you think will happen?

GUARD: Well…anything could happen.  Mrs. Scrub could set the castle against Melvin, as a punishment…only thing is, she wouldn’t have full control on it.  And who knows?  Maybe she’s too distracted nowadays, with her baby and all.  Melvin may be more powerful than her by now.

ANABELLE: I certainly hope not.  If he ever takes real control of this castle, I don’t want to think about what might happen.

PHILIP: Then why are you talking about it?  I don’t want to think about what might happen either, and you don’t hear me gabbing on.

ANABELLE: Philip… oh, Philip, you have to keep listening!  Keep playing the crazy games, even if you’ve been turned against it all.  Otherwise you’ll fade into the stonework, I just know it.  Please try to pay attention…for our family.

PHILIP: How will it help our family, Anabelle?  Are you talking nonsense?

ANABELLE: No, I’m not, Philip.  Believe me.  I may not know what’s going on, but I know you’ve been hurt badly, inside.  You’re a Prisoner of the Castle, just like Piper.  And that’s what’s making you withdraw like this.  The more you withdraw, the more you lose.  Don’t lose yourself, Philip!  Please!

PHILIP: I’ll try and listen… if you have something meaningful to say.

ANABELLE: Thank you, brother.  That pledge of faith is all I need.  Just stay right here, and I’ll be right back.

Exit ANABELLE.  PHILIP sits, huddled.  GUARD comes up to him.

GUARD: It’s not so bad, lad.  You may feel like you’re trapped inside yourself…is that right, lad?  Does it sound about right?

PHILIP: No… or maybe it does.  I don’t know, and it won’t help to think about it.

GUARD: Hell, if you take that tack you’ll get so scared of any kind of thought that you’ll never even try again!  You still like thinking about some things, don’t you, guy?  Like your home, am I right?

PHILIP: Yes… I want to go home.  I want so much to go home!

Pause.

GUARD: Well, well, now I guess that sets you apart from every other prisoner this castle ever saw.  Imprisoning a bloke is meant to make them stay…to make it so they don’t even want to see their sweet old home anymore.  But with you, it’s doing something else.

PHILIP: Don’t even conjecture.  Don’t even guess.

GUARD: Well, you must be flipped around somehow!  Maybe you wanted to stay here before…and that’s why you want to go now.

PHILIP: I always wanted to go.

GUARD: Well, then I’m not sure what’s happened to you, so I’ll do what you say: I won’t even guess.

PHILIP: Thank you.

Enter PRISONER.

PRISONER: Oh, I’ll take a guess!  Philip, silly Philip, you used to be so lit up about figuring this castle out!  First you were looking for glory—heaps of glory for your dear mother and father!  And then it was mapping the place; you wanted to know where everything was and when!  And then where we got our food, what we did for fun, how we got started… I mean, the reason you got into trouble was that you sneaked a peek in the Closet.  Why would you look in the Closet unless you were all too curious?  Huh, Philip?

PHILIP: Please, be quiet.  Pipe down, Piper, please!

PRISONER: I don’t think I will pipe down!  You need me to talk to you!  You used to want to understand the castle, even if you were always hoping to escape.  But now you don’t want to understand anything that’s more than a little confusing!  So naturally you want to go home more than ever…because home is always where the heart is!  Home is the route to enrichment and glory, and it’s also the route to contentment and familiarity!  That’s what ailing you, Philip.

PHILIP: So why aren’t you trying to go home?

PRISONER: Are you kidding?  This is my home, Philip!  I live here!

GUARD: Look, Prisoner, I think you’d better leave him alone.  He’s having a rough day.

PRISONER: Aw, don’t call me just Prisoner anymore.  I’m one of four now!  Call me Prisoner 000001 or just Prisoner One for short.  And besides, Philip’s sister told me to come here and keep him company!

GUARD: Well, if Anabelle thinks she knows what she’s doing…

Enter ANABELLE, followed by COOK.

ANABELLE: It’s all right, Guard.  I thought it might be nice to bring the prisoners all together for a little private talk.

GUARD: I see, I see.  Well, I suppose I’ll be getting on, then.

ANABELLE: Thank you for your help, Guard.

GUARD: I’ll be seeing you.

Exit GUARD.

ANABELLE (a little flustered): Now then… Welcome, all of you, to Anabelle’s Prisoner Rehabilitation Program.  You all know each other.  Prisoner One, why don’t you have a seat next to Philip.  (PRISONER does so.)  Philip, you know what Melvin did to you, don’t you?  He’s made you into Prisoner Two.

PHILIP: Yeah, I know… I guess.

ANABELLE: Then I hope you’re ready to fight it.  Cook, you’re Prisoner Four.  You have a seat too.

COOK sits down.

ANABELLE: I would have brought Prisoner Three, but Melvin has our dear Watcher busy watching, as usual.  So it’s just us.

PRISONER: What are we doing?

ANABELLE: I’m going to try and help you all remember who you were before this magic was used on you.  Prisoner One, you were imprisoned by the previous Owner for being too cheerful.   That doesn’t seem to have changed.

PRISONER: Nope!  I’m still the same cheery bowl of sunshine I ever was!

ANABELLE: Then what has changed about you, number One?  Your favorite hobby is sealing up possible escape routes.  Before you were made a Prisoner, did you use to want to escape?

PRISONER: I don’t know for sure… oh, I guess so, yes.  Yes, that’s right!  That’s how I knew where all the ways out were!  That must be how I got good at it!

ANABELLE: Excellent, yes.  Well then, that passion of yours was reversed entirely.  And you, Cook.  How have you been feeling?

COOK (shrugging): Mmmpp.

ANABELLE: You don’t care?

COOK: Don’t really know what it matters.

ANABELLE: You’re apathetic about everything now, aren’t you?

COOK: I guess so.

ANABELLE: You used to be such a craftsperson!  That’s what made you the perfect Cook.  And it’s gone now, isn’t it?

COOK: If it was ever there to begin with.

ANABELLE: Believe me, it was.  And Philip?

PHILIP: Yeah?

ANABELLE: Don’t you remember any of the satisfaction you used to get from solving a complicated puzzle, or figuring out how a subculture of people fits together?

PHILIP: Satisfaction is nothing.  No one is ever really satisfied, so why should we put such value on it?

ANABELLE: Well…at least you’re arguing.  That means you care, at least a little.  But I need you all to remember.  You need to be clear on this—you were different before, and I’ll need plenty of your help to change you all back.

PRISONER: Wait up a moment.  What makes you think we want to be changed back?

ANABELLE: Piper, you’re enchanted.  You’re under a spell that warps your brain.  Of course you want to change back!

PRISONER: Why should that be?  What if we like the way our brains have been warped?

PHILIP: Oh, you’re giving me a headache!

ANABELLE: Sorry, brother, but you’ll just have to suffer through this headache.  Come on, Piper!  You were healthy before… now you’re a victim of the castle!  You’re being used!

PRISONER: And that’s bad?

ANABELLE: Of course it is!  You don’t live h—I mean, it’s against your nature to be trapped here!  Everything you knew before you came to the Castle was meant to be put to use outside!  Whatever talents and loves you had outside—in here they’re wasted!

COOK: Aw, leave Piper alone.

The four continue to pantomime discussion.  Enter MELVIN and GUARD on the lower stage.

MELVIN: Guard, half an hour ago Anabelle came to my office with Mrs. Scrub, looking for the Watcher!  They apparently meant to take that most valuable of my servants to a meeting of some sort.  Of course I didn’t allow it… but what do you know about it?

GUARD: I’m not here to know things, Mr. Melvin.  I’m just a guard.

MELVIN: That is the most flimsy stalling tactic I have ever been insulted with.  Tell me, please, and cause my sense of verbal aesthetic no further anguish.  Is it a gathering of prisoners?  Are there those who resent my punishment of the intruders?

GUARD: Of course there are, Melvin.  People always resented everything you did.  It’s because you treat their dreams like garbage.

MELVIN: No, Guard, it is they who treat their own dreams like garbage!  I only show them the truth—and truth is a noble motive, isn’t it?  Let’s have some right here, shall we?  Tell me where Anabelle and the others are meeting…or you can join them!

GUARD: Are you threatening to make a Prisoner out of me?

MELVIN: You have caught my nuance, yes.

GUARD (frantic): Do you realize what could happen to us all if I go soft?  I’m the only safeguard we have against this castle rebuilding itself!  You can’t make me a Prisoner!

MELVIN: Can, and am perilously close to doing so, Guard!  Tell me!!

GUARD (beaten): I can’t believe…it’s not right.

MELVIN: Well?

GUARD: They’re in my own quarter.  You know where it is.  Second floor, other wing.  I guess you’ll want the key.  (Hands him a key.)

MELVIN: Thank you.  You have done the wise thing, Mister Safeguard.

Exit MELVIN.  GUARD goes out the other way.  Meanwhile, the four upstage resume talking.

COOK: You’re talking nonsense again, Anabelle.  You’re acting like I ought to care that I’ve lost my ability to care, and should try to get it back, but you’re forgetting one important thing: I don’t care!

ANABELLE: Cook, don’t do this… you know in your heart that you ought to care, even if it’s hard.  You’re still in there… imprisoned.

PHILIP: Are you sure about that, sis?

ANABELLE (emotional): That’s why you’re called Prisoners.  Your real self is still deep in you.  I think what’s on the outside is what you’ve always been afraid to be.  Your hidden, darker sides, your worse judgments.  You’re trapped in a shell of personality, and it’s all the worse because you know it’s all you.  Not some complex of walls and metal, nor any evil lord’s will, but just your own selves… turned about the wrong way.  And you have to stare at yourselves every moment you spend in there…thinking that in some way it’s your own fault.  That if only you hadn’t had that darker side in you… that you’d be free now.  But it’s not true.  This could happen to anyone.  We can’t live without a piece of ourselves we fear.  We just have to keep it inside.  Friends, do your best to put it inside!  I’m begging you, for your own sakes!

PRISONER: You’re scaring me, Anabelle!

PHILIP: No, she’s right!  It makes sense.  I just wish I could put it back inside me… but I can’t!

ANABELLE: But you do want to?

PHILIP: Yes…yes, I want to!  It’s so hard, though.  And I need you to keep it simple.  Please understand… I can’t handle anything that’s not simple right now.

ANABELLE: All right.  Then we’ll make this simple.  Just tell me what you saw in Melvin’s office.  You don’t need to say why you were there, or how you got in—just tell me what you saw.  Is that simple enough?

PHILIP: Yes, that’s fine.  But I don’t want to remember… it’s awful to think about it.

ANABELLE: Please, Philip.  Suffer through this.  You’ll be able to rest soon.  I don’t you don’t want to think about it, but do it anyway.  For me.  You trust me, don’t you?

PHILIP: My sister.  My family.  I trust you.

ANABELLE: Then tell me.

Pause.

PHILIP: I…looked and saw…the Watcher’s screen of light.  It was…you know, it had blobs.  And then…the Closet, I guess.  It was pretty… the field of flax.  Familiar flax…

ANABELLE: My father’s field?

PHILIP: Yes, his field!  And it had… it was waving… it was making me think of…

ANABELLE: What did you think, Philip?

PHILIP (straining): I thought…I thought that… I mean, it was like I was Melvin.  I suddenly realized, like Melvin would… that I had to be better about granting people’s wishes.  I had to be a better Wishmaster… if I wanted all the goods for myself.

ANABELLE: All the goods?  What goods?

PHILIP: I don’t know… the flax, I guess…  Wait!  I know.  I know!  Melvin is doing something!  He’s plotting to… to take all the Closet’s goods for himself!  To go to Heaven alone, with all our shares!  (PHILIP weakens and falls slowly to the ground as he speaks.)  He thinks he can… can justify it by granting everyone else’s wishes, so that he’s the only one who needs to go through the Closet when the time comes.  But—but we’ve seen how he grants wishes!  He means to do away with us all… send us our tainted desires… trick us, foil us… make himself out as the hero… and speed away through the Closet on hero’s wings.  That’s his plan… and that’s why… he made us Prisoners.

PHILIP lies down and breathes hard, exhausted.

ANABELLE: Thank you.  You’ve done it, Philip.  That’s amazing… and that’s just what Mrs. Scrub needs to hear.

Enter GUARD.

GUARD: She’ll never hear it if you don’t clear out of here!  Fast!  Melvin’s on his way!

ANABELLE: How’d he know we were here?

GUARD: He forced it out of me.  Quick!  We can’t waste a moment!  This way!

ANABELLE, PHILIP and PRISONER stand up and hurry after GUARD, but hesitate.

ANABELLE: Cook?  Come on!

COOK: Why bother?  It’s fine here, and Melvin doesn’t scare me.

ANABELLE: Cook…maybe not, but he should!  And you should want him to!

COOK: I’m staying, and that’s that.

ANABELLE: Um… well, maybe it seems right for you to stay, but it shouldn’t!  You should change that!  You should want it to seem wrong!  Try to change your mind!  Try!

COOK: Not gonna bother.  So long.

ANABELLE: But this is your only—

GUARD: Come on, girl!

GUARD hurries out, followed by PHILIP and PRISONER.  ANABELLE hesitates, then throws up her hands and runs out.  Just then, MELVIN comes in.

MELVIN: Where are they?  Did that blasted Guard have a secret path I don’t know about?  Does he think he can get away with this??

COOK (shrugging): I dunno.

MELVIN: And just what are you doing here?  Were the others grilling you for information?  Did they want to know the truth?  What did you tell them, Cook?

COOK: Nothing, really.  Why, do you want to know something?

MELVIN: You were once a maker of fine foods.  Nothing better than that—a dreamer of one kind and one kind alone.  But now you are nothing, Cook.  You are worse than a person who thinks only of food… you are a person who thinks of nothing!  Like a blank screen, you are nothing to me, as you have no more wishes to grant.

COOK: So what, fella?

MELVIN: You have no wishes.  Therefore, to grant your wishes would be to make nothing of you.  Nothing, Cook.  That is what you are inside, and now that you have turned against me, that is what you will be.

COOK: I don’t get you.  Not that it matters.

MELVIN: Indeed.  Say what I say, you wretched thing!  Say, “I wish to be destroyed.”  Say it!

COOK: Why bother?

MELVIN: Make no waves, filthy Cook!  Do nothing which may imperil your apathetic state, or believe me, you will feel sharply what is coming!  Go on, say it!  “I wish to be destroyed!”  Quickly, while you still don’t care!  You wish to be destroyed!  You wish to be destroyed!

COOK: Oh, for sanity’s sake!  I wish to be destroyed!  There, you crazy loudmouth, are you happy now?

MELVIN throws out his finger and zaps the COOK, who falls dead to the floor.

MELVIN: Oh, I’m getting there.  Believe me… I’m getting there.

With one last look at the COOK, MELVIN stomps off the stage, laughing maniacally.

MELVIN: GruuuUU-AH-ha-haa-haa-haaa-haaa-HAAAA!!!!

The End.