Pseudo-Haiku
A collection of poetry by Thorin N. Tatge


CHARACTERS

NATURE
FREAK
WHIMSY
MODERNITY


AUTHOR’S NOTE: Recently, as all creative people do for thirty-eight hours at one time or another, I got into haiku.  Since I had nothing else written, I decided to share them with you.  Properly speaking, some of the following are not haiku, but something similar and probably much cooler.  Real haiku tend not to use pronouns and stay fairly simple.   In English, some haiku are written in 5-7-5 form, and some are shorter so as to be more authentic.  There are some of each in this, my fortieth Chelsea script.  (Woo!)

The characters enter and stand in different places.  NATURE stands near the audience, FREAKY stands on the upper stage, WHIMSY stands off to one side and MODERNITY stands near an exit.

 

NATURE
soft boughs
leaves adhere to face
windbreaker

FREAKY
I am of two minds
Bind me fast so that one will
Outwit the other 

WHIMSY
Ten thousand puzzles
in a sprawl of children’s blocks
and a rubber ball
 

MODERNITY
motion and colors
unique to a compact space
miniature golf
 

NATURE
Tunnel through the earth
orchids rustle as we pass
one petal falls.
 

FREAKY
turtles
are good at hiding, so
are fun to torture

WHIMSY
Nature filled with drugs
Pills, pollen, wispy air
flummox you.
 

MODERNITY
one dozen doughnuts
More than anyone would want
and therefore perfect
 

NATURE
vegetables
are when our hearts dare to grow
outside of us
 

FREAKY
greedy raccoon
never stops to bargain
just takes my food

WHIMSY
birds smile
an upturned head
and a quiver

MODERNITY
breakfast cereal
nuts and raisins are treasures
for the day ahead
 

NATURE
found unwanted thing
journeys far in this pink bag
purpose held in string
 

FREAKY
fucking computer
please won’t you compile this code?
do it for me, bitch
 

WHIMSY
Dolphins’ thoughts spread wide
Their virtues define the sea
Their faults are laughed at
 

MODERNITY
knight to bishop three
so begins a tree so large
we will name its leaves
 

NATURE
flat long lake
trudge between dull shores
or just lie there
 

FREAKY
yawning leaf
two cold moons bristle
what the hell?
 

WHIMSY
Hold up your front legs.
Will our descendants lose them
Or will they grow hands?
 

MODERNITY
patient online chat
twenty minutes of silence
punctuates the end
 

NATURE
The smell of rosewood
settles in your sinuses
for a long life’s nap
 

FREAKY
Bear and raven meet
Both need meat and company
Whom will they eat first?
 

WHIMSY
God is not watching—
we can fly without feathers!
young pterodactyl

MODERNITY
Other people’s dreams
In your hands without warning
Do your Chelsea best

Exit all.  The End.